Last night (thanks to Dread Central) I attended the premiere of the new horror film “Chillerama” at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery in Hollywood, CA. Events like this are normal at the cemetery, and I’ve wondered more than once what the families of the people buried there think about the droves stomping over and sitting on grandpa while watching “Fast Times At Ridgemont High” or “Dawn of the Dead.” Maybe that’s just Hollywood for ya. I for one know if I was a ghost doomed to haunt a graveyard, I’d welcome the weekly parties and premieres at my eternal resting spot. The afterlife is no doubt a long and lonely time, lacking in good cinema.

But that’s neither here nor there.

As I got to the event I was given a magical yellow wristband that allowed me to go backstage to the VIP area, which was inside a mausoleum. There, amid the countless tombs and towering statue of Jesus, shmoozed some of the horror genre’s best and brightest. From Kane Hodder, to James Wan, to Tyler Mane, to Adam Green, everywhere you looked you saw someone recognizable. Seth Green ran past me on his way to the bathroom. And I got to have long conversations with Lin Shaye (“Insidious,” “There’s Something About Mary,” and a hundred others) and John Gulager of “Feast” and “Project Greenlight” fame. I also had a nice conversation with Angus Grim, the Tall Man himself, who asked me where I’m from. I know where he’s from! I shot about a half hour of footage from the red carpet, which I’ve edit down into the nice 15 minute video below.

For my thoughts on the film itself, keep scrolling.

“Chillerama” is an anthology film in the vain of “Creepshow” or “Tales from the Darkside: The Movie” in that it combines a series of four and a half (why “a half” you ask? You’ll have to see the movie to understand, but lets just say the reason is pretty shitty) spooky tales that are told within another, bigger story. Where in “Creepshow” the tales unfolded via a comic book owned by a boy named Billy, in “Chillerama” we see the tales unravel through the eyes of an old drive-in proprietor named Cecil (played by Richard Riehle, creator of the Jump to Conclusions Mat) and his fleet of loyal patrons who don’t yet realize that they themselves are soon to be the victims in one of the movie’s four terror tales. Adam Green, Adam Rifkin, Tim Sullivan, and Joel Lynch are the creators behind the four stories, “Wadzilla,” “I Was A Teenage Werebear,” “The Diary Of Anne Frankenstein,” and “Zom-B-Movie,” each of which have their own charms and weaknesses, but some of which are, as to be expected, stronger than the others.

The biggest crowdpleaser of the bunch was no doubt the first episode, “Wadzilla,” directed by and starring Adam Rifkin, and featuring a hilarious Ray Wise, as well as a brilliant cameo from the great Eric Roberts as “General Bukkake,” who must take down a giant runaway sperm before it fornicates with America’s greatest symbol of freedom. This segment was pretty funny, complete with the bad effects that fans of old monster movies know and love, from blue screened actors who are horribly and deliberately separated from their phony backgrounds, to a forced perspective rubber sperm puppet that’s made to look huge as it chomps and slithers its way through New York City. The ending is also a nice payoff and pretty obviously an ode to the ending of “Ghost Busters.” You can imagine what happens.

Without a doubt the worst of the tales is the second entry, Tim Sullivan’s “I Was A Teenage Werebear.”As I write this I’m still not sure what he was trying to accomplish with it. But all I know is the dark walk through the graveyard, stumble onto the concrete, and piss I took in the stinky overused port-o-potty was sweet relief from watching it, if only for a few minutes. It’s a mess that attempts to send a message that has something to do with a James Dean-esque rebel who is secretly gay and attracted to the leader of a leather gang that is a parody of The Lost Boys, who are actually bears, which is a metaphor for the trials and tribulations of being a homosexual in the 60′s. And the only way to destroy a wearbear involves a giant silver dildo. It’s also a musical. Unlike with the other three segments, the jokes here are utterly forced and I found myself just wishing it would end so we could move on.

The third segment, Adam Green’s “The Diary Of Anne Frankenstein,” is arguably the funniest of the bunch, featuring Joel David Moore as Adolf Hitler (with an interesting grasp of the German language), who discovers that Anne Frank is actually the great granddaughter of Dr. Frankenstein (her family shortened their name out of shame) and wishes to use the good doctor’s diary of medical secrets to create a monster (played by the perpetually unrecognizable Kane Hodder) that he believes will lead the Third Reich to victory in “World War I.” But all Hitler really wants to do is put together puzzles of adorable puppies and fuck his hot wife. Don’t we all? In spite of being by far the least gory segment, I feel this was the edgiest due to the subject matter, and in a way it felt like the episode Mel Brooks would make if he ever decided to be involved in an anthology picture, with even the finale echoing the closing moments of “Blazing Saddles.”

The fourth story, which is the overarching tale that flows throughout the entire film and is told during the intermissions between the other three stories is Joel Lynch’s “Zom-B-Movie.” As previously mentioned, it’s the story of Cecil, a washed up drive-in proprietor who is celebrating what may be his last night on the job by showing a series of previously unreleased horror films to a group of colorful patrons. During the course of the night, a zombie outbreak slowly creeps into all corners of the drive-in, eventually erupting into a grand finale that features what may be my favorite moment in the entire film, involving Cecil spouting some of Hollywood’s greatest one liners as he dispenses a horde of aroused fuck zombies with his trusty shotgun.

So overall, “Chillerama” is an amusing venture into the anthology horror genre, that ultimately fails to reach the heights of  “Creepshow” or “Trick R’ Treat.” My main issue with the film, other than the awful “Werebear” segment, is that while it’s a “horror movie” it never feels that way, completely tossing out anything remotely horrifying in favor of laughs and goofy one liners, whereas the “Creepshow” films and “Grindhouse” successfully merged the various genres of film into smooth, tasty blends. Perhaps that’s the point of “Chillerama,” but the only thing CHILLY while watching it was the cemetery.

I Haven’t Updated In A While…

Posted August 7, 2011 in Blah Blah, Happenings, Movies

…so here goes. I saw “Captain America.” It was quite good. I wasn’t blown away, but a good movie. The effects work that made Chris Evans look 5 feet tall and 110 lbs was pretty astounding and utterly seamless. I just wish they’d stop forcing Nick Fury into all of these films. Let them stand on their own without being ads to set up another movie coming a year from now.

Today I saw “Rise of the Planet of the Apes.” Incredible movie actually. Way better than it had any right to be. When I first saw the trailer months back my reaction was the same as most people’s: “Awesome. Another ‘Apes’ movie. Isn’t this the 7th one? Didn’t they already reboot this a decade ago with that forgettable Tim Burton movie? CGI apes, huh? That’s blasphemy. This is gonna be shit. What the F is James Franco doing in this movie?” Yeeup, that’s what I thought. Well, I’m happy to report I was utterly bitchslapped by this new film. It really is the “Apes”equivalent of “Batman Begins,” another franchise that had been driven into the ground and turned into a joke, that was relaunched with a badass vengeance of flying fisted fury. Oh, and nominate Andy Serkis for something. SOMETHING. He’s one of the best actors around right now. Digital acting is still acting.

Also, hopefully in a few weeks I’ll have something cool to announce. I’m working hard on a project that may or may not get greenlit. If it does, amazing! If it doesn’t, shit. But I’ll probably still do it anyway and try to pitch it somewhere else. Or just put it on Youtube. Whatevs.

Tomorrow I’m heading to the Tallarico summer BBQ at Video Games Live creator Tommy Tallarico’s badass house. That should be fun. He has pirates in his yard.

T out

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SHHH Is Expanding…

Posted June 28, 2011 in Happenings, Spookiness

For the last year and a half I along with Raychul Moore, Sub-Z and our recent additions DerrickH and Cool Sausage have been hosting a horror podcast called the Spooky Hour Horror Hour (SHHH) over at www.allgames.com. I’m happy to announce than starting in 2 weeks the show is expanding to Dread Central. We are all massive fans of theirs and are thrilled to have our show on their site. The show will continue to be broadcasted on All Games on Mondays and be archived there as well.

Weeee!

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E3 2011

Posted June 12, 2011 in Events, Uncategorized, Video Games

I attended E3 2011 in Los Angeles, CA. This is what I saw…

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I Spent The End Of Days At Disneyland…

Posted May 23, 2011 in Events, Happenings

To celebrate the lovely Raychul Moore’s birthday, we all headed out to Disneyland for a day of celebration. Did the End of Days ruin our fun? Find out below.

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Weekend of Horrors 2011!

Posted May 16, 2011 in Events, Spookiness

On Saturday I attended Weekend of Horrors at the LAX Marriott Hotel in L.A. Here’s what I saw…

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Microsoft’s NINEY AWARDS!

Posted May 9, 2011 in Events

I had the opportunity to work on Microsoft’s Niney Awards, which were held in Las Vegas in April. Well, now they’re online for all to see! Enjoy!

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